The Bot Is Now My Retirement Plan

So it’s been a little bit since the last update, and while I certainly have amazing, valid, very interesting and unique excuses as to why, we all know what’s really important here is the packages. Yes, the packages, not my envy inducing, fast paced, billionaire (give or take) playboy life. So let’s rock these padded envelopes!

I'm gonna continue adding pictures of the packages, because if you don't eat your dinner, you shouldn't get to have dessert!

We’ve got a nice little pile to go through this time. No boring regular envelopes. I was pleased! Still waiting on a box though… It’s my holy grail. Let’s grab a random envelope and tear into it!

As you can tell from the picture, the auction was for a pixel.

Well well well, what have we here? No seriously, what is it, it’s about 1/10,000,000 the size of the envelope. I actually thought there was nothing inside at first! Let’s take a closer look at that little round thing.

Look at how tiny the rock looks next to my novelty sized pen!

Ah, precious gemstones! Look at that fire! That sparkle! These are all things that people enjoy about gems. What sort of gem is it, you ask? Why it’s a “Round Natural Mystic Green Topaz 4 mm  @ 0.85[#130717467185], of course! Now I don’t know much about gemstones, but Wikipedia has this to say about topaz: “Topaz is a silicate mineral of aluminium and fluorine with the chemical formula Al2SiO4(F,OH)2. Topaz crystallizes in the orthorhombic system, and its crystals are mostly prismatic terminated by pyramidal and other faces.” With that many big words, it’s probably worth a lot. I’ll be storing it in my giant safe with all my other rare and precious things, like my skull ring. Price: $1.25.

Aw yeah, bling bling! Now I hate myself.

Is that a bar of…? Yes, yes it is! It’s solid and gold! Two things that are highly prized. How in the world did I end up with a gold bar when the bot only earns a dollar a day, you ask? None of your business! I’m trying to invest in my future here and I won’t have you stealing all my gold. Let’s see what the seller says about this bar: “100 Mills .999 Gold “Masonic Temple” Bullion Bar[#320932266778]. It turns out that “Mills” is an industry standard measurement among eBay sellers that means “a coating slightly thinner than an atom”, so it’s a pretty nice score. You may also notice it says “Masonic Temple”, and there are indeed masonic symbols on the back. That’s about as deep down the rabbit hole as I’m willing to go on this, so let’s move along. Price: $0.98.

It's a gift! Says right on the package. Gift. I'd rather have socks. All mine have holes.

Sadly, we’re back to the usual fare now, no more amazing gold and diamonds and high living. I know, I know, I was sad too. Luckily, I had this to cheer me up! It’s a Gift, as you can see on the package, and who doesn’t like a gift? However this might be one of those “my gift is a curse” things, like psychic powers, or being Tom Cruise, because although the seller claims that this is “Miniature Dollhouse Make Up Bottle Gift Bag[#300729120600], it’s actually just some plastic scrap glued together haphazardly and tossed in some cardboard with yarn glued on it. Seriously, my Grandma used to have a dollhouse, and I’ve seen dollhouse furniture; those bastards live way better than I do. This “make up bottle gift bag” is only very slightly better than how I live, so, I don’t think demand is gonna be all that high. At least the declared value is $3, so that I can feel smug about getting a good deal on absolute junk. Price: $1.04.

Woo, miscellaneous audio cables! You can never have enough of these. You can only have too many.

Woo, cables! According to the package, it’s a $5 “audio Adapter”, which, while very descriptive, tells me nothing. Let’s check that auction title! “3.5 mm Male to 2.5 mm Female audio Adapter Converter Cable for Earphone 635[#221057341836]. While I’m sure these are very useful for their intended purpose, I’m sadly not sure I can make use of it. Not because I don’t have a head or anything, but because I buy my earphones pre-3.5mmed. I know, I know, I am the 1%. It’s really just because I’m so thrifty, I mean, did I pay $5 for these? You can be sure that no, I did not. It’s pure profit! Price: $0.11.

It's some assorted parts! I'll certainly be using these to fix my manly mechanical things. Manly!

At last, we come to the end. That’s sort of how time works. So, what do we have here? While I could explain in great detail what this is for, I’ll defer to the seller: “Amphenol connector 97-3057-10-6 an3057 cable clamp .625 step down size 18 NEW[#280908229110]. Yep, straight from the connector category, and very useful for all your amphenol connecting needs. I can’t tell you how often these come in handy in my line of work. Well, I mean, I can, but I won’t. The bag smells like a workshop or someone’s garage, so you know it’s authentic. Also, since it’s new, you know you can trust it to step down size 18 without any problems. All in all, a great deal for what it is. Probably. Price: $0.99.

So that brings us to the close of another amazing and delightful post! Not much else is new with the bot really. It ended winning a “BABY GENDER Prediction  by Gifted PSYCHIC  â˜†  find out if it’s a  BOY or GIRL[#120950550906] for 99 cents, which ended up being an email with a giant image file attached telling me the bot was having a baby boy, and also losing out on a “NEW WARLOCK ON EBAY CASTING POWERFUL HEALTH SPELLS WILL SEE RESULTS IN NO TIME[#110910932068], which you really have to see to believe. eBay is a strange and wonderful place. Well, strange anyway.

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