The Trashcan of the Internet

The things people sell on eBay are varied in every direction; quality, price, usefulness, insanity… I used to think eBay was like a giant garage sale, but now I think it’s more like the alley after a garage sale: full of the things no sane person would buy, pricetag still attached. Obviously I’m being a bit hyperbolic, but at this cheap end of things, I do wonder if anyone other than a bot with a cashflow is buying. Let’s dive into this dumpster!

Envelope! Padded!

I’m really starting to wonder if I should bother with the envelope pics when there’s nothing interesting about the envelope itself. I enjoy the process of going to the mailbox and seeing what sort of envelope it may contain, but I don’t know if that translates at all into pictures of yet another envelope. Let’s get to the goods:

Some kind of.. things. Metal triangles. With designs!

Alright! It’s… some kind of triangles with hoops attached… let’s see… “21X15X2MM 10PCS BRASS CHANDELIER CONNECTORS FINDINGS”. There you go! Some kind of triangles with hoops attached, for chandeliers! Swanky. Yet again, an envelope much bigger than the contents, always a bit of a letdown. Price: $0.99.

Envelooooope.

Another envelope from China; basically if you don’t limit your auctions to the US and go worldwide instead, you’re likely going to end up with something from China. What’s inside according to the label? “nail tool”, which is just vague enough to be scary!

A pack of beads on an envelope. Tiny beads.

Opening it up we are relieved to find… just what the hell are those? Some kind of tiny beads. “nail tool”? Hmm, the auction title is “500pcs free shipping 2mm round yellow rhinestone nail art glitter 2X150-500”, I guess that makes sense! They also included a nice business card with delivery estimates, which seems a bit redundant to have after you get your package… anyway let’s take a closet look:

Closeup of tiny beads. They look bigger!

As you can see, it’s a nice little package of a billion (or 500) little yellow rounded half-beads to stick on your fingernails, if you want to class up the joint. I’m thinking of combining these with those chandelier things and selling the results on etsy. Not really. Maybe. Vintage! Price: $0.72.

This is not an envelope.

Another envelope from China. “ELECT. PARTS BB”. Value $10? Hot damn!

A USB AC adapter plug thingy, for phone chargings!

“NEW BLACKBERRY USB Charger Cable Storm Torch ¬†Bold Tour”. Well I suppose that might be worth $10. I wouldn’t pay $10 for it but luckily I don’t have to, because I had a bot buy it for me. I was pretty excited about this actually, because I need a plug in charger for my phone, but sadly this didn’t actually charge the phone, it just turned it on and then it sat there until the batteries ran out. I don’t think it’s broken, I just think I need a different charger, because USB isn’t universal. Price: $0.99. Pretty good deal for a $10 charger!

There's only so many ways to alternately say "envelope".

A lovely padded envelope. This one didn’t come from China, but I don’t hold that against it.

Bamboo floor tiles. It's hard to be clever about floor tiles.

Inside are some very nice Strand Woven Natural – 02 PG1830-N02 Item# 1142! Or as we say in the business, “Natural Bamboo Floor Strand Woven Flooring Sample”. It turns out people sell sample floor tiles on eBay so that they can then try to sell you on doing a whole floor. Sadly, the bot lives on the internet, and the internet has no floors. I guess I’ll have to work this into my etsy piece. Price: $0.99.

A white envelope about the size of a big white envelope.

Here’s the last envelope for this post. Let’s quickly highlight the shipping cost: $2.50. Spoiler: I didn’t pay $2.50 for this auction. This is, in my mind, the oddest high shipping cost item yet. Take a look:

A magazine with the address label ripped off. Torn off. Sheared off.

“Details Magazine February 2012 Channing Tatum Cover Free Shipping !”… It sure is that. The address label has been removed from the cover in a way that mangled the hell out of it. To be fair this was disclosed in the auction itself, but who would buy this, seriously? Now I have to say, I have no idea who CHANNING TATUM is, but let’s be honest, even his smoldering good looks aren’t enough to detract from the fact that this could have been fished from someone’s recycle bin. It was shipped nicely, inside a file folder in a large envelope, and it isn’t in bad shape aside from the cover, but here’s the crazy thing: Price: $1.54. That’s a net profit of negative 96 cents for the seller, plus the cost of a file folder, an envelope, and whatever eBay’s cut was. I hate to keep harping on this, since we see it so much, but it boggles the mind!

So there we have it, all caught up, except for the 3 things that came while I was putting the last two posts together. I think I’m going to go back to taking the envelope pictures in a pile, because I am neither witty enough to make endless jokes about mass produced envelopes, nor cruel enough to subject you to my endless attempts to do so. You’re welcome.

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